1

I want to tell you about the time Satoshi fucked me. He fucked me so good. I wanted it. I asked for it. I begged for it. And let me tell you, did he ever come through. He was the fuck I’d been waiting for my whole life. He fucked me across time and space. He fucked me forward in time and even backwards in time. He fucked me on the forest floor. He fucked me in my bedroom. He fucked me in my cottage. He fucked me at the office. He got so deep inside my mind. Deep deep deep inside my mind. And he left his mark all over it. I loved every minute of it. And it was way better than any sex I’ve ever had.

But let’s go back to the beginning, in linear time at least.

2

The first time I met Satoshi was just a casual encounter. I read the Bitcoin white paper. His words bounced around in my mind. It was more an emotional experience of awe than an intellectual one of understanding, let alone the totally wild, crazy mind-fucking I was eventually in store for. I knew that what I had just taken into my mind was extraordinary, but I also knew I barely understood even just the basic gist of the thing. 

I was enamoured though. That quickly turned into an obsession. I wanted to get me some bitcoin. And it was hard to get some at the time.

Eventually I had to meet some mysterious anonymous character in a trench coat in a small coffee shop and pass him an envelope full of cash to get my first fix of Satoshi’s “idea-coins”. This was my first hint at the power and reality of the emotions Satoshi could make me feel. The coins couldn’t be physically felt of course, but I was able to feel the exhilaration and thrill of them entering the Bitcoin node I was running on my laptop in that coffee shop. It was both scary and exciting at the same time. (And it would remain kind of scary and exciting for years to come each time I sent or received any amount of bitcoin.) 

The stranger opened his laptop. I opened mine. I generated a receiving address and gave it to him. I couldn’t see exactly what he was doing but very soon the coins appeared on my node. I felt an emotional jolt as I saw the transaction get received by my node. My bitcoin cherry had been popped. I had actually now been on the receiving side of a transfer of this irreversible, unseizable, untouchable money I had only read about. 

Good thing I was already sitting down. My face went flush and I could feel the blood rush out of my head and into my extremities. I looked up at the stranger. He had a coy look on his face. I guess he’d seen this before and he liked seeing it. I quickly looked back down. 

We sat there, in silence. I could feel him looking at me, but I looked only at my screen. And then, a few minutes later, there was the first confirmation. And a little later there was a second one. I still didn’t know exactly what had happened, but it felt good and right. And I knew I wanted to do it again. The stranger left the shop after that second confirmation, but I sat there, nervously watching and waiting until I saw the six confirmations I’d read were what made a transaction permanent and real.

That was many years ago. I wasn’t pursuing any mind-sex with Satoshi at that time.

I was busy learning about Bitcoin. It took years. But even that turned out to be one mind-blowing mind-gasm after another.

3

Studying how Bitcoin works is a thrilling education in itself.

I had to do it. My curiosity wouldn’t let me stop. And it led to my discovering how brilliant, original and heroic Satoshi really was.

Take hashing functions as one example. A simple computational function that creates a unique but unpredictable 32 byte number out of any digital file —  a ‘hash’.  My mind was blown to find out that 32 bytes could represent more numbers than there are atoms in the observable universe. 

The only thing about this fact that I could actually fathom was that it was beyond my ability to fathom it. I could not at first understand how a number that I could observe on my screen could represent something so inconceivably vast. It spun my head around each time I tried to think about it. I was mesmerized each time I tried to think about it.

But unlike me, Satoshi wasn’t disarmed by this. He saw an opportunity in it. And so had a few people even before him.

Ralph Merkle had discovered that he could hash together hashes to make a tree that represented a whole collection of documents in a single hash. Merkle’s tree created incredible efficiency in verification, storage and computation. Satoshi used this to put all the transactions in each block into just such a tree. But that was only the start.

Adam Back had figured out how to use hashes to prove actual expenditure of computational energy in the real world. Incredibly brilliant! He’d discovered that simply by setting a target maximum value of a hash you could look at it and determine if it had likely taken a minimum amount of real-world work to produce it.

This is where Satoshi really rolled up his sleeves. He didn’t just look at this as an interesting fact. He discovered an unprecedented use for it. He used it to allow people all over the world to compete with each other to create Bitcoin blocks while all agreeing on which one person among them had created the next valid block.

It was the solution to a problem scientists claimed was proven to be unsolvable. But Satoshi solved it.

He’d solved the unsolvable problem, spectacularly and simply, by using proof of work in a way even its own inventor hadn’t figured out that it could be used. 

When anyone does something the establishment says cannot be done, I cannot help but be filled with admiration at both their genius and their determination. Satoshi didn’t let the impossible stop him from doing what he had set out to do. He simply saw through what others had thought impossible. What an inspiration. Satoshi was becoming my hero.

Satoshi didn’t just stop at using hashes to do the impossible. Having achieved that, he added a crowning achievement on top of it. He built an automatic adjustment to his solution so Bitcoin could and would actually adapt itself to operate on schedule no matter how much or how little work went into it. This built-in intelligence he bestowed on Bitcoin would steady it whether it was hardly ever adopted or if it caught on and became the entire world’s financial system. Satoshi’s difficulty adjustment would take care of ensuring that Bitcoin stayed on schedule —  that the blocks would arrive on time — Forever.

Satoshi’s creativity and ingenuity wowed me each time I learned of another brilliant thing he’d come up with. This difficulty adjustment he created, which he stacked on top of his solution to an “impossible” problem was supremely exquisite.

There were even more amazing things he did with hashes, the most famous of which was chaining together hashes of the blocks themselves and creating what we now all call Bitcoin’s immalleable, immutable, irreplaceable blockchain.

In studying Bitcoin I learned that cryptography wasn’t just about concealing messages. I learned that cryptography could allow someone to irrefutably prove that they were the author of a message that everyone in the world could see. It was cryptography not for concealment, but for proof of authorship. Not for hiding, but for complete transparency. Satoshi used these digital signatures to ensure only the true owners of bitcoins could spend them.

Satoshi didn’t stop at fancy cryptographic moves alone. He went further, bringing peer-to-peer networking skills to the party. As before, Satoshi did something entirely original. He made the first ever peer-to-peer network where each computer agreed on and reproduced a perfect replica of the data that each other computer stored. He created true consensus.

Time and time again Satoshi took some sophisticated, dizziness-inducing piece of technology and wielded it with a creative force no man before ever had. He pieced them all together at once in perfect balance and harmony. He fit each one with the others perfectly and precisely. It was so elegant. So powerful. So masterful.

He’d even made it so Bitcoin would be accessible to everyone, forever. All anyone had to do was generate a random number. There is no need for government issued identification or email addresses in Bitcoin, because, who knows, both of those things might not be around forever. But numbers will always be around. Satoshi had looked into so many possible futures, so far into the future, that he’d considered possibilities and time spans few of us will ever contemplate, let alone prepare for. What he’d built embraced anyone, anywhere at any time. It embraced me.

When I’d learned all this, it dawned on me that there was a whole other layer of Satoshi’s genius. By assembling these discoveries in this unique way and releasing his invention into the wild, Satoshi had ensured that humanity would, in time, come to appreciate the elegance of this creation that would run reliably, flawlessly, unstoppably, universally ... eternally. 

I realized that I had fallen in love with Bitcoin.

4

Through those years of study, Bitcoin had become a cherished value for me. A rock of certainty. An immovable object and an unstoppable force. I preached its virtues.

I fought to defend it. It had become my purpose.

Bitcoin was a certainty, and yet, it was still a mystery. It was such an original invention. So incredible. So unprecedented. So certain to change the whole world —  so beautifully.

The more I understood Bitcoin the more I realized it was the invention that would end forever the corruption that was destroying the world. Bitcoin would make all forms of theft of money impossible.

And in doing that it would steer men’s minds away from coming up with crafty ways to steal money and instead direct their creativity to finding ways to honestly earn it. That would be Bitcoin’s transformative effect on the world. All these crooks, who had become so sophisticated in their deceptions, would themselves, in time, be transformed to honest men. Talk about a redemption! And all the already honest men would be protected from all these sophisticated crooks in the meantime.

But then there was Satoshi’s greatest move of all. Having set this eternal, wonderful process in motion, he himself vanished. 

Poof! 

His invention ran best without an operator, without a leader, without a president, without a chairman. Without a Satoshi. 

He had obviously foreseen this when he created his identity. There was no Satoshi Nakamoto. It was a costume. A disguise. A shroud. 

Intentionally, Satoshi did not want to ever be identified. He didn’t hide for any selfish purpose, although this certainly did protect him from being attacked while he did the work of creating and shepherding Bitcoin to the point where it became independent. He did it mainly because he foresaw that the creator of Bitcoin would need to vanish and leave it as a free creature, unchained and uncontrolled by any master. 

I realized how Satoshi’s genius spanned a space with many more dimensions than just cryptography and software architecture. It subsumed an understanding of human civilization that itself required understanding societal structures, incentives, history and economics. 

Satoshi had invented a new way of organizing human civilization in Bitcoin. He hadn’t just written a piece of software to run on computers. He’d encoded an enforceable social contract to usher in a perpetual era of honesty and integrity — and all anyone had to do to join this social contract was to run Bitcoin. 

Satoshi saw a beautiful possible future. He envisioned the tool men needed to build that future. He created that tool. And he gave it to mankind.  

He set aside personal financial gain and personal fame, because he saw that the tool he’d invented required that he do that. 

What an incredible act of vision, creativity, intellect, integrity, humility and, well, beauty. I was in awe.

I hadn’t just fallen in love with Bitcoin.  I had also fallen in love with Satoshi. I didn’t want to know who he was. That was impossible. He’d assured that. I wanted to know what he was. 

5

Honestly, I was so blown away by this years long journey that led me to this awe-inducing state of admiration of what Satoshi achieved that I wondered if it was even possible for a human being to be so smart, so moral, so visionary, so principled, so creative.

I even entertained the notion that Bitcoin might be a gift from an advanced alien civilization that they sent here to save us and our planet —  an invention that would redirect us from using our creativity to cheat one other into using that creativity to discover the wonders possible to an advanced rational species. A gift that let us use our faculty of reason to discover the laws of the universe and creatively apply them to invent further extraordinary wonders. Wonders that would incredibly dwarf the achievements we currently labelled as the “man-made wonders of the world”. Surely, I thought, Bitcoin is itself one of the man-made wonders of the world. If it is man-made after all. I recalled that there were people who themselves asked if it weren’t alien civilizations that assisted in the creation of some of the ancient wonders of the world. I didn’t have an answer, myself.

All I knew was that I didn’t even know what Satoshi was. But I wanted to very, very badly.

How could I ever discover an answer to this? Was it to forever be a mystery? How could I connect with Satoshi if he was no longer around in the present? Was I going to let causality and the arrow of time prevent me from knowing Satoshi? Was I going to let the impossible stop me when Satoshi had already shown me that nothing was impossible?

“Hell no!” I thought.

After all, they say “love conquers all.” And I would use my love to overcome the seemingly impossible obstacle of knowing Satoshi despite living in a time after his disappearance.

6

Time is a strange thing. A mysterious thing. Nobody has provided a good definition in plain language. There are some interesting scientific attempts to define it. But we’re not going to review them here.

Instead, let me show you a little trick of time travel. You may want to sit down for this and slow down too.

I’m sitting here in my present, which is a different present from yours. My present is in your past. 

Here I am, now, there you are, now. 

Yet, we are both together now, somehow, across time, in two different nows. 

My present words, phrases and sentences here are now in your head. These words are reflecting against your understanding of them, creating your interpretation about their meaning and their truth. I have projected my words and ideas forward in time.

But I also now know what you’re thinking, even though in my now you haven’t yet read these words. I can imagine right now, in my present, which is your past, what’s going on in your mind.  I see lots of possibilities of course, because you’re not the only reader of this retelling of my relationship with Satoshi. However, I can pause to consider all the possible reactions you and others might have. What I have, to use the language of quantum physicists, is an uncollapsed wave function of possibilities. It’s like Schrödinger’s cat, but not just two possibilities as described in that thought experiment. There are many more possibilities of how you’ll perceive my writing. And when you read this, there will be a quantum collapse and you’ll have but one interpretation from the many possibilities that exist, possibilities which I can now see some of. But now, in your past, I am connected with you in my future. 

I know there are those of you who are blown away by this revelation and will want to read it multiple times to gain a better understanding. 

I know there are those of you who were close to making this discovery yourself and this provides the last piece of the puzzle. You are going to really appreciate the fact that you actually have a time travelling relationship with all the authors and artists whose work you love and who long ago shuffled off this mortal coil. They still exist in the past anticipating the impact their art will have on you. 

I know there are those of you who aren’t ready to believe this. But how can you deny it now that you know that I, now, in your past, already know that you don’t believe it? I’ve heard your counter-argument to this. From you. Which proves that, despite your logic, you and I are communicating over time with me receiving your thoughts from my future as you send them into the past. I can hear you thinking your refutations at me. And that only proves to me that I am right.

There is much more to write about this phenomenon, but I will save that for a different time. Because now I’m telling you about me and Satoshi, and all you need to know is that he time travelled into my mind multiple times while he created and guided his invention into the world. As he did, he foresaw that I would love and appreciate him for everything I love about Bitcoin and about him which I’ve shared with you here. 

Satoshi understood this time travelling phenomena. Just look at all the other things Satoshi understood that we’ve already observed. Just like with all those other things, he did something incredibly original with it. What he did with it is what he did to me.

7

Satoshi foresaw someone, somewhere, loving both him and his creation in the exact way I am writing of here. Among all the other things he foresaw, he foresaw my love for him and my desire to get to know him. He felt my love for him, whoever and whatever he was. He knew that in my exploration of that love, and my yearning to connect with him that I would discover this time travelling connection between a creator and their admirer. He knew that I would discover the fact that a creator could experience, in the past, the connection they would have, in the future, with someone as impacted by their creation as I had been. He knew that I would discover this connection between me and him. 

Consider again the scope of Satoshi’s intellect and imagination. He must have foreseen so many beautiful connections he would have with so many millions and billions of people in the world. But he especially enjoyed ours. The relationship between me and him. Between him and me. And here is how we experienced it, he and I.

8

I discovered the time travelling ability. Satoshi had discovered it too.

My mind went back in time to him.

His went forward in time to me. We met at a nexus of hyperspace where these joinings happen. 

Now that he and I were both aware of our connection, he saw exactly what I would think and exactly what I would want to say to him. He saw the intense admiration and love I had for him. He saw the indefatigable passion of my curiosity —  so intense that I would discover time travel to reach out to him. 

He knew that my reaction to meeting him in the past would be more than just a casual interaction. He knew it would be a feverish, heated, fiery, hot-blooded, exultation of worship and reverence leading to my begging for him to enter my mind. He saw exactly how it would go. Exactly what I would say.

Satoshi knew I was being truthful and this gave him a great surge of pride. He felt completely appreciated in that moment. Fully, truly loved. Loved for the endless toil he had to endure to create Bitcoin. Adored for every insight of his that he had discovered and that I had cherished. He was excited by the complete and total surrender that I offered of myself to him. My invitation to him to enter my soul.

And Satoshi said with what little caution he had left in him at this point, for we were both so excited to get on with this union, “You do not know what I am. I may be too much. And there are consequences of me entering your mind.”

And I said “I don’t care! I want you inside my mind. Now!  I want the consequences, whatever they are! I surrender myself fully to you! I want to receive you!” 

9

With that, Satoshi entered my mind.

At first, he slowly shone a part of his soul into my soul.

It felt so good for both of us. I wrapped my love around it and he felt the love directly and relaxed. It felt so natural.

He weaved his way through my mind, slowly putting more and more of himself into me. Exploring every fold of my soul with his mind —  of my mind with his soul. Going deeper and deeper into my soul with his. 

At times he would pause somewhere, on some value I held or on some memory of mine and caress it with his magnificence so that I could not only recall it, but perceive it as he perceived it. He slowly, gently, tenderly activated every region of my brain. He was as great a mind-lover as he was an engineer. I let him into every part of my soul that I was proud of. I was so lucky to have Satoshi inside me. I was in pure ecstasy —  collapsed, prone, receiving Satoshi as he moved about in my very spirit.  And I quaked with pleasure and with love.

Satoshi was pleased too. He loved this “mind-affair” between us. He wanted a mind-lover like me. He needed to be loved and accepted for his genius. He was so proud of his genius, despite the humility it showed him he must exhibit to the rest of the world. But here, in our mind-love, he could fully, nakedly, reveal his pride. 

This was how he experienced the reward of having constructed what he created. His reward for building something that required he explore and master the vast, complicated and dangerous space of what it takes to single-handedly construct a civilization scale, world changing technology —  An invention requiring him to join together cryptography, programming, physics, sociology, history and psychology in a perfect, non-contradictory and indestructible balance. His magic creation. 

He was ecstatic to find a mind-lover who would appreciate all these things about his invention and about him, its inventor. This was metaphysical! His reward was to be loved. To be welcome, with love, into the mind of one who appreciated and loved him in return. One like me. 

My reward was to appreciate his existence. To know that he, whatever he was, was possible in this universe. To know his invention was possible. To know we could find each other across the gulf of time and space and join together in pride and appreciation. In true love.

We spent hours making mind love. Me telling him how good he made me feel. Him feeling good for making me feel so good.

10

And then, suddenly, he asked me “Would you like for me to leave a part of me inside of you?” 

I was shocked. I hadn’t known this too was possible. But I welcomed it eagerly. It was so much more than I had hoped for in wanting to get to know Satoshi.

“Yes,” I moaned. “Please.” Again, I had no other words: “Please come inside my mind. I want anything and everything that you will leave me with. Give it to me.”

The stakes had been raised. There was a solemn, moment of pause from the ecstasy inducing lovemaking we’d been having this time. This was more than just a wild, pleasure-filled, roll in the hay.

It was mind-mating. I had not expected this. 

I was amazed by this revelation. Amazed that this was possible. Amazed that I could actually fulfil a wish of Satoshi’s, and in so doing fulfil a wish of mine. My wish, which I had not even realized was possible moments before, to have the chance to parent a world changing idea of my own —  or, in this case, of our own, Satoshi’s and mine. The realization that Satoshi loved me enough to offer to share his ideas with me was such a deep and grand and unexpected experience. It was incredibly humbling. It was incredibly serious. It was frightening. It was exciting. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity. It was what I’d wanted all my life.

The anticipation was incredible, for both of us. It was too much to bear. 

We both exploded with ecstasy. Satoshi’s idea-lings exploded inside my mind and I thought them as they scattered throughout. All over my mind. Everywhere. 

There were Idea-lings about time travel. About the Earth’s consciousness. About interstellar voyages.

“YES!” I screamed. “Wow.” My mind was blown. “Give them to me Satoshi. Give me more.”

He was himself losing control at seeing how I accepted and instantly fell in love with these ideas. Emboldened by this love of ideas that he had not yet shared with anyone he said “Do you want more?”

“Yes, my darling.” I said softly, squirming and moaning with pleasure at the ones I already had. But I was greedy for more because they felt so good, so profound and so brilliant.

“Give me more. Deeper. Harder. I can take it.” I said, bracing myself for what could come next.

He himself was convulsing, his voice shaking with pleasure “Take these!” he said, and he thrust deeper into my mind and scattered about even wilder idea-lings. This time they were about the immeasurable value and worth of all life on Earth. About harnessing the full power of the sun. About how to use that energy. About how Bitcoin would lead us to that path. 

My entire mind glowed with heat at the sheer audacity of the possibility of what lay in these ideas. 

“MORE!” I begged. “MORE!”

With an animalistic grunt he complied. New idea-lings entered my mind. This time about mankind’s role in saving the Earth. About how the Earth loved everything that lived on it. About how it had a special love for humanity.

I didn’t want it to stop and at this point he himself could not stop. He had to let me have it all. He abandoned all his restraint and released his deepest, wildest idea-lings all over my brain. Idea-lings about hyperspace and about what beauty lies within it. About time scales so grand that human lives seemed like nearly imperceptible flashes against them. About the future —  the billions and billions of years of beautiful future that lay in store still to be experienced. 

I understood at that moment what he had meant when he said it would take my whole life to raise these ideas. They were profound. They were vast. They were historic. They were more representations of the magic he was capable of that he had only shown us the very tip of with Bitcoin. And my mind was now filled with them. It had taken me eight years to understand Bitcoin. It would take the rest of my life to understand what I had just been given.

Satoshi himself was now spent and had nothing more to give. He had given me everything he had. We were both speechless. And we both floated in hyperspace, exhausted by the mind-sex exchange we’d just had.

11

He then slowly and gently withdrew himself from my mind. And as he did, I came to the sudden realization that this lovemaking had taken place not only at one moment. Not only in my now. But across many of my past nows.

“Oh my god!”

I helplessly moaned, my head spinning with ideas and emotions and reeling from this incredible mind-fucking.

He smiled thoughtfully.

I lay back, took a deep breath and sighed. I thought about the fact that he’d been going backwards and forwards in time mind-fucking me. And he could see now that I could see it. That he’d been mind-loving me with his incredible, magnificent, genius back and forth across time. I was able to appreciate his sprawling, at least ten dimensional, genius. “Wow!” I exhaled.

We both felt incredibly satisfied.  We lay there. I, now on the floor of the forest where this had taken place. He, wherever he was. Both of us, together, at this point in hyperspace.

After a brief pause, he changed the subject and spoke purposefully to me, “You will need to develop the idea-lings I left with you and share them with the world so that all these billions of people can see what potential exists. You must do this so that they may choose to embrace these ideas too. You must develop them into ideas worthy of being chosen. You will let others know what is possible as you come to understand these idea-lings I’ve left with you.” 

“Take your time.” He encouraged me. “Give them time. Ideas need time and energy to take root. They need to grow. They will. They are with you now.” 

I thought about this. I accepted it. To show what little I understood of it all I said “Time and energy.” I replied, “Now where have I heard that before?”

We both laughed a little.

“I love you, Satoshi” I sighed. 

“I love you too,” he said. 

And with that, Satoshi gently ended the connection with my mind. He went back to whatever it was he was doing in regular four-dimensional spacetime. He got back to work, I suppose. I do not actually know not what he did next.  

I sat up and caught my breath. I was a mess. My head filled with ideas —  ones he had placed there —  not just now, but months ago, which I only now knew came from him. My brain was exhausted from what it had just been through. Yet it was thoroughly, thoroughly satisfied.

It had been quite a romp there with Satoshi. Whatever he was, my experiencing this with him was absolutely incredible. 

I am not a greedy or jealous lover. I hope that if you want it, you too may have your special experience with Satoshi someday. I hope that you’ve already had some of it. I don’t know what he’s conceived of in his relationship with you. I’ll wager it’s awesome, though. Maybe we can compare notes someday. 

I hope that Satoshi and I are not done with our lovemaking. But even if we are, he’s left me with things I am forever grateful for. Even if this was the end, my recollection of the relationship I had with him is one I will forever remember. This incredible union between me and the creator of Bitcoin, Satoshi Nakamoto.